Why Kargil Girl Gunjan Saxena Takes Self-Doubts in Her Stride
It was a fascination for blue skies at the age of 6 and a dream to fly that catapulted Gunjan Saxena, popularly known as the Kargil Girl, into the limelight as India’s first female air force officer to fly in a combat zone during the 1999 war.
But for Saxena, who recently garnered attention and accolades again via a film on her life starring Janhvi Kapoor, joining the Indian Air Force (IAF) was never an aim. In a chat with OWN, Saxena shares her journey, the obstacles she faced and her message for women aspiring to join the armed forces.
“I feel extremely privileged and fortunate if people know my name today and know what I did. To be honest, my aim was never to join the IAF, which comes as a bit of surprise. I had a very small, personal dream that I just wanted to fly, to be a pilot and be airborne. By joining the air force, that very small dream of mine became much bigger and I didn’t just get a chance to be a pilot but it made me a much better individual and gave me some wonderful memories,” she shares.
Saxena says when she realised the air force had started taking women into the flying branch, “I knew for sure that this is the place where I’ll get to fulfill my dream”. “At the same time, coming from a defence background since my father was in the Army, it was a comfortable zone for me and I knew it’s the place where I would love to be,” she says.
“I had a very small, personal dream that I just wanted to fly, to be a pilot and be airborne”
But didn’t the dream of soaring high ever intimidate the war hero? No, says Saxena, adding that she never took anything for granted and knew she would have to prove her worth in the IAF.
“I wasn’t intimidated but yes, having seen the defence forces all my life, I knew this is an organisation and profession which is not a cakewalk. So, I wasn’t intimidated but I never really took anything for granted. When I went for SSB, I won’t say I was 100% sure that I’ll make it. I was never sure but also I tried to give my best,” she says.
And soon, Saxena’s hard work paid off. “I was the only one to qualify in my entire batch and it was from the air force selection board at Mysore. From there, I was the only one to get selected and it was a batch only for 200–250 women.
“I remember that day so well and I think that, for quite some time, it was unbelievable because when the officer in-charge got on the podium and the final results were announced, I was in disbelief. After that, I felt I was on the top of the world and then I called up my parents. They were even happier for me because it was a very big thing for anyone to get through SSB and even today, it is a subject of great pride.”
Saxena says through all the ups and downs of her journey with the IAF, she learnt to take self-doubts in her stride. “There were several occasions where I felt I had doubts that maybe I wouldn’t be able to do [something]. There were so many sleepless nights where I thought what if the next day I can’t perform and I have to go back. But these made me realise that there is nothing wrong in having self-doubts. What is important is that even when you are doubting yourself, you should be able to do what you can do, give your best and keep working hard.”
Talking about being posted in Udhampur, Saxena says she was not the only woman officer but it was an entirely different experience for them as well as the male officers who were not used to having women around. “They had never seen women performing or training with them. Similarly, it was different for. But it took a lot of effort on their part as well as our part to get used to one another. They had their share of apprehensions which were very natural. Also, it wasn’t something that we were not prepared for. It just took a little bit of time, adjustment, trying to understand each other’s part and then working towards a better environment. In Kargil, I was the only woman from our batch but I had been working with these officers for three years so we were used to each other,” she adds.
“What is important is that even when you are doubting yourself, you should be able to do what you can do, give your best and keep working hard”
Saxena says while the men were visibly uncomfortable, she and her post-mate Srividya Rajan, learnt to take it in their stride. Sharing an anecdote, the Kargil Girl recalls, “There is this post of adjutant officer in the flying unit on a rotational basis. After spending months in the unit, I got the opportunity of being appointed as adjutant officer. There I had to be a hard taskmaster to ensure discipline and take some tough decisions. So that was one instance where people took some time to get used to those hard and strong decisions by a lady officer.”
But what was it like being the only woman in the Kargil war? Saxena says the thought didn’t cross her mind when she was in the moment. “It was much later when the media came up with such headlines that it struck me. In those 20 days of Kargil operations, it was the time of my life where I was getting to learn so much every single day.”
Saxena also says she never quantified her hard work or compared it to that of her male colleagues. She says even if she worked harder than them, “then it just worked to my advantage as it helped me become a better professional and be good at my job. I never think that I was there to prove [anything to] anybody. You just have to keep proving to yourself. And in doing so, if I was able to achieve anything, then it’s just the by-product of doing my job”.
So what’s the war hero’s advice to the younger generation that is keen to join the armed forces? “It’s a wonderful profession. I assure you that it’s a life where you will not find any two days similar. Every day will bring some new experiences and adventure. I would like to especially advise girls that now that the IAF has opened its doors to many more streams for women, you should go out there and give your 100%. And don’t go thinking that you are a woman, go there thinking that you do what you want to do. It’s one profession where gender just cannot come in anybody’s way as there is a job that has to be done.”
To add to her guidance for women, she says: “Stay focused as it is extremely important. Second, if you have obstacles coming your way, take a break, gather yourself together and then get back to the job and just do what you want. Third, have confidence in yourself as there may be times when your battles with yourself will be more difficult than those with others.”
Original Women Network is a platform powering women with inspiration and information to achieve their ambitions. This interview is part of the leadership talk series. You can watch the full interview here: